Les Champs Elysees

Bob Marley said some pretty cool stuff...

2011-10-23T20:26:00.000-06:00

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

Bob Marley

I want any girl I date to read this... especially after the last relationship I was in.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively”

“Don't Gain The World & Lose Your Soul, Wisdom Is Better Than Silver Or Gold.”

“Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!”

We think too much and feel too little

2011-10-02T23:18:00.000-06:00

The Avett Brothers

2011-05-22T22:45:00.000-06:00

"Our hands and minds, legs and mouths, eyes and ears, arms and feet were all made with purpose, and though you may never find that exact purpose, it is your obligation to god to search for it...."

Hilarious intro to this video, with a song from one of my favorite bands - The Avett Brothers

At this point, they can only stop themselves

2011-04-20T02:24:00.000-06:00

If you're a fan of Real Salt Lake, chances are at some point you were a Utah Jazz fan. And chances are, you have some sort of issues from the heartbreak the local NBA franchise has consistently unleashed upon us. Well, the future is bright and the heartbreak is a lot less frequent as a supporter of RSL. In ways, Real Salt Lake have already surpassed their in state professional sports brothers in their six short years of existence. In other ways, they're looking to establish the long term quality and stability in a small market that the Jazz have displayed under the guidance and system that Jerry Sloan and Larry Miller created.

The Utah Jazz have been such a quality team and such a stable team in a market where they have no business doing so. They have been to the highest level of professional basketball twice, but they have never taken home the prom queen. The consistency ranks them among the NBA's best over the last 25 years, but again, the team has never quite climbed over the hump, and therefore will probably never be remembered as a great franchise in the future. No amount of fifty win seasons, no amount of all star players, no NBA finals appearances are truly worth a place in the category of great, or historical moments in NBA history, nor will these things be a moment that stands out or is talked about to the future generations.

Bring in Real Salt Lake, a franchise still in it's infancy. A team that just a few years ago was the laughing stock of the league. A team that was nothing to the world of soccer, a team that was nothing even in our own league. Then, somewhere along the first regime's failed experiments, owner Dave Checketts noticed something was missing. The team didn't have an identity, the team had no leadership, the team's only direction was further down the tubes into an area where all the soccer naysayers said we'd go. Then, in a bold move that surprised everyone, Checketts took a leap of faith by talking then star player, Jason Kreis in to becoming the manager of Real Salt Lake. It was a move, to me, that was eerily reminiscent of Larry Miller's move to replace Frank Layden with Jerry Sloan. The similarities in coaches is very similar, and gave both franchises a building block, an identity, a sort of confidence that as long as these guys are here, everything is going to go smoothly.

Dave Checketts took over as president of the Utah Jazz at the young age of 28, making him the youngest chief executive in NBA history. After buying the Real Salt Lake franchise, laying the ground work to fetch the club a major soccer specific stadium deal, he then handed over the reigns to Jason Kreis, who would become the youngest coach in MLS history and soon turn the dying Utah franchise into the model franchise for all of American soccer.

Kreis' first full season was in retrospect a whirlwind of change. Along with newly hired GM, Garth Laggerway, the culture, the expectations and the results immediately changed for Real Salt Lake. Trades and signings were done strategically with a vision in mind. The result of that vision landed the club Robbie Findley, Yura Movsisyan, Fabian Espindola, Kyle Beckerman, Javier Morales, Jamison Olave, Nat Borchers and Nick Rimando. With that haul, the core that we see today was in place. Other pieces would later be added to fine tune the product and strengthen the clubs depth.

In the final game of 2008 the mindset and resolve that Kreis had been bleeding finally took shape with the team. In the 90th minute of the final game of the season, Yura Movsisyan knocked home a goal that put RSL into the playoffs, and knocked arch rival Colorado out of the playoffs. I believe that was a major turning point in this club that truly moved us to believe that we could do anything. The club went on to knock favored Chivas USA out of the playoffs, before sputtering out to New York. In 2009 the club went on to win the MLS Cup and put their stamp on the MLS as a team to be reckoned with.

After a record setting 2010 that saw the club to record setting levels in league play, and proving they could play with the regions best in Champions League play, they have arrived at a new pinnacle for the team. A chance to win the regional championship and advance to play for the world championship.

Since Jason Kreis arrival and the implementation of a new mindset, records have been set, a league championship has been won, awards have been given, players and coaches have left, while new one's have arrived. But, the system and the motto that "The Team Is The Star" has stayed and has ruled this club. Everyone works for the name on the front of the shirt, not the back. This is a true army, a once in a lifetime coming together that we're witnessing right now. It's rare that the stars align perfectly in any walk of life, but somehow Real Salt Lake has found a way to put that together and there's no end in sight.

For me, unlike the Utah Jazz. This Real Salt Lake team has the heart and passion, they have what it takes to go out and surprise us every time they step on the field. They don't fold and wither away on the biggest stage. People, even fans keep expecting RSL to trip and fall, to stub their toe, to wake up from this dream run they're on, but the boys in claret and cobalt just keep getting better and achieving things that have never been done. Where a soccer culture of us Americans recently believed we were doomed when we play in Mexico, and a place in the club World Cup could never be achieved, has now turned into an ideal that is feasible, we're not scared any more and the bar for what can be accomplished keeps being raised by Real Salt Lake, and the rest of the country is coming with us. Forget MLS, I've never seen such wide spread support for the National Team for an upcoming game. The league, the teams, the players, the fans.... well, they're all Real Salt Lake fans for this championship match up. And it all started with Jason Kreis not being scared to dream big alongside Dave Checketts, and for them to go out and create a team that is capable of seemingly anything.

If Real Salt Lake win the CONCACAF Champions League, the RSL front office better prepare for the phone calls from Disney.This is a once in a lifetime ride that these boys are taking us on. This one is a classic story waiting to happen, if RSL wins the championship, they could make a movie out of it. You can't script this ride, and I hope it never ends. I hope that this becomes the norm for American soccer. In 16 years we've put ourselves on the same level as clubs and countries that Soccer is all they have. Clubs that have been perfecting their model for over one hundred plus years. This team has faced naysayers at every turn of the way, and they keep proving everyone wrong. Real Salt Lake realizes that you can never reach the pinnacle in sports, that there is always something to do better, always something bigger to achieve, breaking molds that MLS and USA Soccer has been stuck in and blazing new trails for what is capable if done the right way.

So whether you're a local from Utah who loves the Jazz, but aren't quite sure about this Soccer thing, well now is a pretty damn good time to jump on the band wagon. And for fans of other MLS teams or the USA national team. Well, finally there's a representative in Utah that we all, as a soccer community can take pride in, believe in, and realize that they're capable of greatness just like anyone from the states who sets their mind to a goal.

I firmly believe that Real Salt Lake will not only win the CONCACAF Champions League tournament over Monterrey, but they will win the first leg 2-1 becoming the first club or national team to ever win in Mexico. To date, our country is 0-44-4 playing in Mexico. Time to make history!

Real Salt Lake enters rare air.....

2011-04-03T23:28:00.003-06:00

In a little less than 48 hours, Real Salt Lake will step foot in one of the most intimidating, most daunting stadiums in all of the CONCACAF region when they play the second, and final leg of the semifinals against a very good Saprissa team in Estadio Ricardo Saprissa Ayma. With the weight of not only their own dreams and desires, but those of a soccer nation that has never been represented on this level, RSL have a big load to carry. Our boys have already accomplished more than any other American soccer club has by simply advancing to the semi-finals of the Champions League tournament. And the good news is, RSL didn't get here by luck, and they sure as hell aren't expecting anything less than to advance to the championship game.

Is it coincidence or fate that brought so many loose ends together for all of us fans. I know it sounds stupid, but a few things seem a little strange in accordance with the clubs short history.

A little shy of six years to the day, my brother and I sat eagerly watching this new team play in Rice Eccles Stadium. A nice college football stadium, but terrible soccer stadium was host to the first ever Major League Soccer game in Utah. Something we'd only dreamed of for years was finally right in front of us. We didn't care that the team wasn't very good, we didn't care that the pitch was turf, painted with American football lines on it. We sat among a sellout crowd of over 26,000 through a stalemate of bad soccer as Real Salt Lake battled their soon to be bitter rival, Colorado Rapids. A man that would later transcend the culture of soccer in America introduced himself quite kindly to the locals, with an 86th minute flying header, Brian Dunnseth (TV Analyst, The Original Winger, Bumpy Pitch) gave us hope that soccer would flourish in the beehive state as he lead the newest club in MLS to their first win ever. It was a special night, and I drove home beaming with such high aspirations for this new club. Soon we woke up to realize that we were setting records, and not good records in MLS. RSL set a record (that TFC later broke) for the longest scoreless drought. Our keeper who had grey hair (Garlick) decided that he'd rather get into the real estate market and left the team, and we were 1 day away from the team being sold due to no public support for a stadium. But that all has past, and we're now known as the class of MLS... Strange how things can turn with the right pieces in place. Brian Dunnseth is now a Fox Soccer Channel analyst, and will be in Costa Rica as part of the broadcast team for FSC. *Fate*

A month later, the USA Men's National team came to Utah to face Costa Rica in a World Cup Qualifier. Current Saprissa, and former Real Salt Lake midfielder, Douglas Sequiera played for the Tico's in what was a beat-down applied by the Yanks. Seeing that game in person, I wondered if RSL or MLS teams as a whole would ever see the day of playing this level of soccer. Well my friends, the day is here... embrace this event, we're not guaranteed a win, and we're not guaranteed a return trip anytime in the future. This is the biggest game Real Salt Lake have had to prepare for, and that World Cup Qualifier was the biggest game the club had ever hosted. It has come full circle and we're playing that level. *Fate*

In 2010 after a dream season that saw Real Salt Lake end as the champions of MLS, I was a bit nervous about our near future because of our lack of goal scorers. We had just recently had our best striker, Yura Movsisyan leave for bigger opportunities overseas, and Fabian Espindola suffered through a horrible end of the season. Leave it up to the great minds in RSL's front office to land one of the premier strikers that Major League Soccer had ever seen. Costa Rica international, Alvaro Saborio had arrived on loan from FC Sion, by way of... you guessed it, Saprissa. Saborio is a legend already in his native country, netting 95 goals in six years for the Costa Rican giant. Saborio has also tortured the USA national team, and soon would take the MLS and Champions League opponents by storm. He scored against his old team in the first leg and will be an amazing asset to lead our team into the fortress of Estadio Ricardo Saprissa. Our strikers now stack up against any other team in MLS, and Saborio made me forget all about what we were missing. *Fate*

The soccer club, Saprissa was founded in 1935. They're recognized as the dominant power in Costa Rican soccer, and have won this very Champions League tournament three times (93' 95' 05') Saprissa has also finished second multiple times. In 2005 when Saprissa won the Champions League tournament, they had an exciting run in the FIFA Club World Cup - They finished third behind Liverpool (ENG) and Sao Paulo (BRA) Alvaro Saborio led the way for Saprissa, leading them in goals for the tournament, and recording two goals in their final game. RSL has Saborio now, he's the second leading goal scorer in this years tournament, and he surely will be instrumental in leading the boys from Utah on their way to Japan to play in the Club World Cup. Another addition that has been instrumental in getting us to where we're today, and a main reason we have a chance to win this game and go all the way to the Club World Cup. *Fate*

*This video is from a 2009 USA v Costa Rica World Cup Qualifier where USA lost 3-1 and RSL striker Alvaro Saborio had an early goal*

Coach Jason Kreis of Real Salt Lake played in Estadio Ricardo Saprissa for the USA National Team. He recollects having coins thrown at him while trying to warm up, the ceiling of the locker room nearly caving in from the fans jumping for hours on end. If the National team was scared / affected from the atmosphere, how can a club team not be affected. Fans of Saprissa talk about how the Americans fear the atmosphere, fear the fans, fear the noise. The USA National Team has never won here, and players clearly let the atmosphere get to their head. Watch highlights from the World Cup Qualifiers, and watch all of the mistakes that are uncharacteristically made. The stadium is nearly forty years old, and looks every day of it. The purple concrete walls and fortress gates that open for the team buses look like something from a junk yard / prison. The fans arrive hours in advance to sing and create an environment that no MLS club has ever seen before. I know RSL played in Azteca against Mexican giant, Cruz Azul, but the place was hardly occupied, and the torrential rain dampened the atmosphere and smog. The piercing noise, the terrible field turf, the flying objects. All of this will be more of a test for RSL than the team on the other side of the ball. RSL can play with anyone in CONCACAF, if they play their game, if they play their style. Will the atmosphere scare us, will we make mental errors due to our nerves. I don't think so... We have the right leaders in guys like Beckerman, Morales, Olave, Borchers, Rimando, Williams and especially Alvaro Saborio. But the big question is, will Coach Kreis stick by his motto, "Fortune Favors The Bold" and come out playing our game, possessing the ball and attacking. Will coach be able to ease the nerves of our players. I think so - One early goal and Saprissa has to score four to overcome the aggregate lead of 3-0 with an away goal negating any tie. Go on RSL - be bold and secure your destiny! *Fate*

Watching the first leg of this match up as Real Salt Lake hosted Saprissa in Utah really confirmed what a classy side we are. We thoroughly outplayed a team who has been the champion in our region multiple times. We made a team who has been ranked as a top 100 team in the world look silly. Saprissa was so frustrated they drew five yellow cards in the game and committed twenty fouls. Three of the yellow carded players were put over the limit, and thus will be ineligible for this upcoming game (Jose Mena, Ricardo Blanco, Douglas Sequiera) Saprissa was scrambling to slow down RSL all night, and the MLS champs won the game 2-0. My only concern with the game, was the Nat Borchers 6th minute goal that was disallowed due to a phantom foul. I don't even want to bring it up, because I don't want it to come true. But hopefully we won't need that extra goal, hopefully the gods will pay us back for cheating us out of a clean, and quite beautiful goal. *TBD*

All in all, the farther Real Salt Lake advances in this tournament, the more the nation is taking notice. Fans of every club in MLS are now cheering on our boys. This is a representation of soccer in the USA, a statement to all the non-believers that soccer in America has arrived. A belief in myself and a belief in everyone who is passionate about soccer in this great country of ours is pulling for a team that I put my heart and soul into.... That's a pretty special feeling! I hope our boys can do everyone proud and get into that championship game. More fate possibly awaits us as Cruz Azul have a chance to advance to the Championship game where revenge couldn't be sweeter for the crazy loss we suffered in Mexico. No other time has every soccer fan in America been cheering for one club team - this is crazy!

Thankfully the entire organization and the entire league has put so much into this tournament for us the fans. The behind the scenes 360 videos have been special to watch and have given us a look into the players lives and how important this is to them and to the organization. The media coverage locally in Utah, and nationally by all of the great soccer minds and websites have given RSL and MLS their just due. Now it's time for the boys in Claret and Cobalt to go out and put our stamp on the world. We're supposed to be here, and we're reaping the benefits of everything the club has done up until now. The hard work, the decisions, the support, the vision... It's all paying off, and I can't wait for the game. I can't wait for what the future holds for Real Salt Lake.

Saturday Sounds - B.O.B.

2011-04-02T21:21:00.006-06:00

B.O.B. reminds me a lot of Outkast.. Fun stuff!

I have really not felt like blogging much the past month or so... I'm digging deep trying to find it in myself to bring back thoughts and ideas I want to share....

Saturday Sounds - Jurassic Five

2011-03-26T20:46:00.000-06:00

What's Golden

Saturday Sounds - Brand New

2011-03-19T11:25:00.001-06:00

Book Review - Further Along The Road Less Traveled - M. Scott Peck

2011-03-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

Sometime a year or two ago, I read the initial offering from M. Scott Peck, M.D. which was simply titled, The Road Less Traveled. At the time, that book was exactly what I needed to further foster my growth and open my eyes to different ways of thinking and progressing. This book, in accordance with it's title is just a trip, Further Along The Road Less Traveled. These books are kind of old, but haven't dated or been passed up for the knowledge they possess. If you ever become stuck, lost or in search of something more, these books are a great resource for helping you along the path of an award winning Psychiatrist's personal growth, as well as stories from his patients growth.

The hard part for me with these kind of books, is that they take me so long to read due to the great knowledge and ideals. I have to re-read pages, journal about topics, take notes on ideas, quotes and thoughts I like. I guess this is kind of a problem with all books I read... But hey, I'm learning and trying to practice what I learn. Nothing wrong with that, right?

The subtitle of this book is, The Unending Journey Towards Spiritual Growth. I think that Is important to note, as Peck really is helping the reader find their personal path through the tough ups and downs of spiritual growth. He goes to great length to bust up myths, beliefs, fallacies, and certain bad practices with a easy to follow discussion. He also doesn't seem to push any one way of thinking on the reader, which is nice, and leaves you the opportunity to analyze yourself, and make your assessment of where you are at, and where would be best to go with only his knowledge, and experience. Although, part of the growth and process that you get to go through in these 2 books is that of Dr. Peck finding his own feelings, thoughts and beliefs in religion... something that you wouldn't have thought possible in the first book, where Peck is as Agnostic as they come. He ends up finding his life is so richly enhanced through the Christian faith, and it's kind of cool to see him grow into that, and all the critical thinking that comes with it.

I'm sure several posts of critical thinking and new, or slightly reinforced ideals will come of this book. But, for this post I will simply list out many of the parts, quotes and ideas I liked from the book for reference purposes. I think it's important for me to have these to revert back to and remember why I was so captivated while reading it. So here's some of what I enjoyed or learned from:

The path this book started me on: The Road must not be seen as the final or definitive word, but merely as the beginning of a difficult and unending journey toward spiritual growth that true pilgrims must take. Each of us must have his own path through life. There are no self help manuals, no formulas, and no easy answers.

Life Steps: 1) Spiritual Journey 2) Growing Up 3) Knowing Yourself 4) In Search Of A Personal God
These steps, to me... are a very simplistic road map for knowing where you are, and where your next step is for growth. I think I'm personally on the fence of number 3 and 4.

"Appreciate that life is complex - Don't look for the easy answers. Think muti-dimensionaly, enjoy finding your way through the mysteries and paradoxes of life... Trial and error is classic history."

Never Stop Growing: "All of my life I've wondered what I will be when I grow up. Then I realized that we never grow up - growing is an ever on-going process."

Pain and suffering aren't necessarily bad: "Jesus said: Blessed are the poor in spirit. Or, on an intellectual level, Blessed are the confused - and they're blessed because confusion leads to clarification, and with the search for clarification comes a great deal of learning."

"For an old idea to die, and a new, and better idea to take it's place we have to go through such periods of confusion." "It is uncomfortable, sometimes painful to be in such periods. But despite feeling poor in spirit, we're searching for new and better ways, we're open to the new, we're looking, we're growing."

"Those things that hurt, Instruct." - Ben Franklin
I like this quote a lot, because I know from experience that when you hurt, you learn... you're in search.

"Everything that happens to us is designed for our spiritual growth."

You will never really know: "Reality, like god is something we can only approach. Life's about mystery. Some people need to feed their desire for mystery by climbing mountains, some need to explore religion, some need to explore themselves. Religion, Life, Love - All things we can observe and theorize, but we can never know."

Loving yourself: "Major part of loving yourself is realizing that there is something wrong with you, accepting it, and trying to fix it. Those who claim that nothing is wrong, nothing to be fixed have the problem."

What is most important in life is the Development of Your Own Soul.

"This is courage! - Courage is the capacity to go ahead in spite of the fear or the pain."

"Self love is great, but be sure to avoid a self love that shuts everyone else out. Becoming narcissistic is easy to do. The path away from narcissism is the path toward meaning."

More religious talk:

You're wrong if you think that doctrine, scripture, bible is the absolute truth. If you believe that the Bible is not only the divinely inspired word of god, but the actual transcribed, un-altered word of god you're nuts. These books / doctrines have been and will be altered again and again. Not leaving it open to interpretation and growth is a huge mistake as they're filled with paradoxes and metaphors that can be interpreted in multiple ways.

"My vision of Hell is distinctly that the gates of Hell are wide open. People can walk right out of hell, and the reason they're in Hell is that they choose not to. I simply cannot accept the view of Hell in which God punishes people without hope, and destroy's souls without a chance for redemption. God wouldn't go to the trouble of creating souls, with all their complexity, just to fry them in the end."

"Religions are different roads converging upon the same point. What does it matter that we take different roads, as long as we reach the same goal?" - Gahndi

"What is faith worth if it is not translated into action." - Gahndi

How to deal with suffering:

Based on the premise that I'm shy (and suffering because of it)

Ask yourself if your suffering is just or not: I can't ask a question in public to a speaker
Ask yourself Is this way of dealing with my shyness which is holding you back from asking questions enhancing your existence, or limiting it? And as soon as I asked myself that question, It was clear that it was limiting my existence.
Behave the way you normally would: So, I had to ask myself - How would I behave if I wasn't so shy. The answer is clear that I would ask my question with confidence because I want to know. Tell yourself, go ahead and behave that way... Fake it to make it... Act as if you weren't shy.

"Americans think what characterizes the mentally healthy is an absence of crises. That's not it. What characterizes mental health is the ability to meet our crises early."

"Life should be measured not on how many crises we can avoid, but how early we can meet a crises and get on to the next one - and how many crises we can cram into one lifetime. With each crises you meet, acknowledge, overcome - you grow and learn."

Stages Of Spiritual Development:

Antisocial / Chaotic / Lawlessness: Like almost everyone's youth...
Formal / Institutional: Rigorous adherence to the letter of the law, and attachment to religion.
Skeptic / Individual: Stage of principled behavior, but characterized by religious doubt, or disinterest. Although accompanied by severe inquisitiveness in other areas of life.
Maturity: Stage of living more by the spirit of the law, than the letter of the law.

The second stage, Formal / Institutional has always been a tough person for me to get along with. These are the hypocrites, and ignorant people who judge others and make me never want to go to church. Dr. Peck goes on to say: "These are people who are dependent upon an institution for their governance." "I compare this stage to prisoners. Some people need the church or prison for their governance. There are millions of inmates who are 'model' inmates. They're so good and get early parole because of it. but as soon as they're released, they go back to their old ways because they're not governed. Then they go back to prison, and go right back to being 'model' inmates. Some people simply need to be governed to organize their being."

"I became a principled, self governing human being who doesn't need to depend on an institution for my governance."

"I don't believe in god as an eternal being, I think he is inside each and every one of us."

"I have pursued my passion for god and spirituality, but I'm fed up with the simplistic black and white religious faith that claims to have all of the answers, and doesn't deal with the mystery."

"Many of us are never able to adjust to the reality that life is larger than something that is just our show. In this failure to adjust, we fail to learn. But for real learning and growing we have to come to terms with the fact that ... Life is what happens, when you plan for something else."

"Love: Defined as the concern for the spiritual growth of another."

Saturday Sounds - HelloGoodbye

2011-03-12T00:38:00.001-07:00

Would It Kill You?

Some of my favorite dude's I've ever met... Great music that is just happy music I guess... Check out there new album "Would It Kill You" - This album and this song specifically just matches how I'm feeling and where I'm at right now.

Dark Side Of The Lens | BLUR

2011-03-10T01:23:00.002-07:00

DARK SIDE OF THE LENS from Astray Films on Vimeo.

Wonderful little film that Martin shared with me... Martin - You're like my resource for everything cool. It's all about doing what you love and finding away to structure your life around it. All the stress and bullshit in life, we don't have to put up with it. This film is full of beauty, wisdom, intrigue, and excitement. Blow it up full screen so you can see the beauty of this guys work. It's worth it!

"I never set out to become anything in particular, only to live creatively and push the scope of my experience for adventure and for passion… The raw brutal cold coastlands for the right waveriders to challenge – this is where my heart beats hardest…

Most folk don’t even know who we are, and what we do or how we do it, let alone what they pay us for it. I never want to take this for granted so I try to keep motivation simple, real, and positive… If I only scrape a living, at least it’s a living where I’m scraping…. If there’s no future in it, this is a present worth remembering.

I see life in angles, in lines of perspective – the slow turn of a head, the blink of an eye, subtle glimpses of magic – other folk might pass by. Cameras help me translate, interpret and understand what I see. It’s a simple act that keeps me grinnin’. I never set out to become anything in particular, only to live creatively and push the scope of my experience for adventure and for passion. They still all mean something to me, same as most anyone with dreams. My heart bleeds celtic blood and I magnetize the familiar frontiers. The raw brutal cold coastlands for the right waveriders to challenge – this is where my heart beats hardest.

I try to pay tribute to that magic through photographs. Weathering the endless staunch for rare glimpses of magic each winter is both a blessing and a curse I relish. I wanna see waveriding documented the way I see it in my head, and the way I feel it in the sea. This is a strange set of skills to begin to acquire. This is only achievable through time spent riding waves. All sorts of waves on all sorts of crafts. There is more time spent learning out on the water, floating in the sea amongst lumps and swells, you always learn something. It’s been a lifelong wise old classroom teacher of sorts and hopefully, it always will be. Buried beneath headlands, shaping the coast, mind-blowing images of empty waves burn away at me.

Solid ocean swells powering through deep cold water, heavy waves weighs in wait, coaxed from comfortable routine, ignite the imagination, conveys some of the viny spark, whisper possibilities, conjure the situations I thrive amongst and love to document.

We all take knocks in the process – broken backs, drownings, near-drownings, hypothermia, dislocations, fractures, frostbite, head wounds, stitches, concussions, broke my arm – and that’s just the last couple of years, still look forward to getting amongst it each winter though.

Cold creeping into your core, driving you mad, day after day, mumbling to yourself while you hold position and wait for the next set to come. The dark side of the lens – An artform that to itself and us, silent workhorses of the surfing wake. There’s no sugary cliché. Most folk don’t even know who we are, and what we do or how we do it, let alone what they pay us for it. I never want to take this for granted so I try to keep motivation simple, real, and positive.

If I only scrape a living, at least it’s a living where I’m scraping.

If there’s no future in it, this is a present worth remembering.

For fires of happiness and waves of gratitude. For everything that brought us to that point on earth at that moment in time, to do something worth remembering with a photograph, or a scar -I feel genuinely lucky and hand on heart say I love doing what I do. And I may never be a rich man, or live long enough, then sadly I have a tale or two for the nephews. And I dig the thought of that."

This video literally made me cry

2011-03-09T12:12:00.002-07:00

Thanks to my good buddy Martin for showing me this video.. This is a such a great reminder that things aren't that bad. That we can overcome anything... even if everyone else says we cant.

Reminds me of a quote my boy Steve Peeler gave to me one day:

"You have to believe in yourself - Very few people will believe in you, many will root against you."

Take eight minutes out of your day and watch this.. I bet you get choked up, or at least get goosebumps.

Saturday Sounds - Raincoats

2011-03-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

This is an oldie, but a goodie.. It really does have a rainy day feel about it....

Real Salt Lake vs. Columbus Crew Champions League

2011-03-02T13:04:00.005-07:00

Big brother Tracy was nice enough to buy me and Ryan tickets to this game! Thanks buddy.. It was a fantastic game. Another brilliant performance by RSL! And another great reminder why I moved back to Utah. I love this game and this team with all of my heart!

Last night was a big night for Real Salt Lake, and a big step for Soccer in America. In every geographical region of the world, there is a competition called Champions League. The best known would be the European UEFA Champions League. The competition is probably the second biggest competition in professional sports, next to the World Cup. Each region plays their own Champions league tournament to find the best club team from each of the 8 regions across the globe. Real Salt Lake plays in the CONCACAF region and qualified for the tournament by winning the 2009 MLS Championship. Over the past year, the team has fought it's way through group stages that has thinned the field from 64 teams, to 8 teams. The furthest any American team has EVER been!

At this stage of the tournament, the teams play in knock out format. So, Real Salt Lake for example plays once at their opponents house, and once at their own stadium. Last week, Real Salt Lake played in Columbus and ended the game 0-0, meaning all they had to do is come home, and win 1-0, at a stadium they haven't lost at in over 2 years. Needless to say, Real Salt Lake thrashed Columbus 4-1 on a cold night in Utah. Snow was piled up on the side of the field and it was quite a weird sight.

With their win, Real Salt Lake move on to the Semi-Finals to play the winner of Sapprisa (Costa Rica) and Olimpia (Honduras) - These teams have combined to win 5 CONCACAF champions league tournaments. They have gone on to the club world cup to play the likes of Arsenal, Manchester United, Barcelona, Real Madrid, AC Milan, Inter Milan, Bayern Munchen...etc. With a few more wins, Real Salt Lake could find themselves in Japan for the Club World Cup to take on the best from around the world. This could be huge!

It was pretty cold... If you don't believe me, check out this guys 1 piece suit!

I had 8 tickets before the game and luckily got all of them filled. We ended up visiting all of the seats to see how they stacked up. I think the ones we kept for Tatjana and I were the best, but I was glad to get Cami and Brett, Noah and Nikki in the building. It was fun! This picture above, you can see the snow stacked on the opposite side of the field. Crazy!

Crazy lady and her 8 layers of my RSL gear... I guess she didn't want me taking her picture. It was a lot of fun being at such an important, and such a well played game with Tatjana. Even though she might not think the same, I had fun with her. Also, I got to visit with Branden, Spike, Danielle, Taylor (thanks buddy for meeting up - love that kid!) Thanks to Jake, Cody and Branden as well. And no thanks to the idiot working the will call line. I guess they need me running that operation.

Book Review - "Fup" Jim Dodge

2011-02-28T01:25:00.004-07:00

I'll just start this book review off by stating this: Fup is one of those books you come across every so often that just touches you in some strange, yet magical way. This is a book that I will keep in my (small) collection of important books forever.

Martin over at This Rugged Life recommended this little gem to me quite awhile ago. After finally tracking it down on Amazon (due to it being out of print) I put it in the read queue behind the stack of books I had in line to read. But, It kept poking it's head out and kind of calling to me... So I gave in and moved it to the front of the line. The book is only 96 pages long and I powered through it in a few hours.

The book is so short that I really don't want to give you too much info and in turn ruin the book for you. I really suggest you go buy it for a buck or two, read it, and then pass it on to someone important to you. It's that kind of book. It's a parable on many front's with meanings that will last you for years. I probably still haven't even uncovered half of the meanings and lessons that are there for the uncovering.

The main characters are few: Grandaddy Jake, Tiny - who is Jake's grandson, and FUP - a duck who was near death, found by Tiny in the middle of nowhere while digging fence posts. Jake chooses the name "FUP duck. Ya get it? FUP...Duck" after Tiny brings the mallard home caked in mud, with barely a heartbeat. Yet, Jake give the duck a few drops of his magical whiskey, "Ole Death Whisper" and the duck immediately comes roaring back to life. Jake has perfected this Whiskey over the years and learned to be still with it. He claims the dying Indian who gave him the recipe told him this would make him immortal, while his friends and neighbors claim it will start a tractor. And from this new life given to Fup, the two men had built their bond.

"Their differences, however numerous, were superficial; their similarities were few, but had some bottom: they were held by the bewildered love they felt for each other, a kindness beyond mere tolerance, a blood understanding of what moved their respective hearts."

When Jake first got custody of his grandson, he had recently won a ranch and acres of land in a game of cards, and had spent time here developing his whiskey. When Tiny came along, Jake initially tried winning him over with candy, toys, baseballs and all the attention possible, but Jake had to learn a hard lesson.

Relationships can't be forced:

"When these excesses of good will drew a barren, if polite, response from Tiny, Grandaddy Jake had taken a jar (whiskey) out on the porch to wonder it through his mind. It took him awhile to get a firm grasp on the obvious: Tiny was devastated by his mother's death, and since only time and a little tenderness would cure that, he decided to just be who he was and go on about his life, and if the boy wanted to join in, that was fine and welcome, and if he didn't... well, Jake was used to fishing by himself. Real feeling take time earning the trust to keep them true."

The importance of passion, and being you:

"They also shared their passions, which were different in kind but not intensity. From the moment Jake had tasted the first batch run off from the dying Indian's recipe, his passion had been the refinement of whiskey; he pursued its perfection with the ardor of an old alchemist seeking the Philosopher's Stone. As he explained to anyone who'd listen, it wasn't so much purity he was after - hell, you could damn near buy pure alcohol - but something more precious: molecular character."

Jake had offers and adventures awaiting him elsewhere. Tiny developed himself into one of the best fence builders in the country, and had offers for work around the globe. And Fup had wings to fly wherever her heart desired. But the three of them all shunned the outside world to just 'be' and enjoy the life they had together. Their daily tasks were done with passion and fervor... as that is all they had.. their mind or motives weren't elsewhere. They lived and breathed for each other and helped each other to develop and grow on many levels.

Taking life as it is:

"I didn't grow to be 99 years old by fool speculation," Grandaddy replied. " It's hard enough separating the good stuff from the bullshit without adding to the whole mess by wanting to know what you ain't gonna know."

Tiny was obsessed with protecting what they had, with his fences, and with his family. He took so seriously the problematic boar that was tearing down his fence's, trying to kill Fup, and destroying the grounds they lived on. But Jake didn't see it that way, and wanted no part of the hunting of the boar that Tiny had made his life for awhile.

Dangers in obsession:

"Hunting was one thing, killing another, and obsession in any form was, to Grandaddy's experience, utterly treacherous; you couldn't be born if you wouldn't let go, and very few people could deliver themselves of obsession."

Yearning to be wild / not fenced in:

But secretly, Jake had thought that the boar was a reincarnation of a close Indian friend of his, Johnny Seven Moons. Although Jake mused, "I have generally thought that reincarnation was a pile of horse-shit five feet deep." Although Jake did have his reasons from the time Seven Moons spoke to him about fences: "You desire to tame everything, but if you just stand still and feel for a moment you would know how everything yearns to be wild. " "And these people with fences... Isn't the whole point to keep nothing in and nothing out."

Enjoying the small things:

"I've seen 30,000 sunsets, and no two that I can remember have ever been the same. What more can we possibly want?" - Seven Moons talking about the pleasure of stillness.

"He needed a task, a task that would not only challenge his wisdom, but enlarge it: he needed to teach something he didn't know." Jake thinking about his boredom with immortality

Sacrifice to achieve a goal:

"If you want to fly, you got to make sacrifices." Jake defending his diet plan for Fup to Tiny. Getting Fup to fly was Jake's new project, and the way Fup had been raised led to the duck being massively overweight. From this Jake came to realize the following:

3 great secrets of how to proceed when you have no idea where to go:

"The three great secrets of how to proceed when you don't have the vaguest idea what you're doing. The secrets were intuition, reason, and desperation." After failing to get the duck to fly by throwing it in the air, Jake says... "Intuition has been wrong: intuition often missed, sometimes spectacularly, but when it connected it saved so much time that the spirit leaped forward.... and, of course, there was no use denying the basic human delight in being right the first time. Reason was more reliable, but slow. But then patience is not a luxury of immortals. There is time to get it right."

"A happy duck would make a better pupil than a spiteful one."

Lesson on having the right mindset:

"But it depressed him to discover he'd knocked out the last two teeth that met. To spend eternity toothless was a dismal prospect - but who could tell, maybe after a couple of hundred years his gums would get touch enough to work over a rack of ribs. You just had to be still and have faith, that was the main thing. There was no heart in giving up." Jake after running into a tree while trying to help Fup fly.

Lesson on acceptance and moving on:

"It just ain't possible to explain some things, maybe even most things.... but the main thing is you have to accept it - take it for what it is, and get on with your getting."

I rarely keep books in my personal collection, but this one has staying power. I would highly recommend this book - I will be reading it again soon. It is full of wisdom and principles that transcend all of us. I tried to share parts that touched me without giving you too much of this short story. Hopefully I succeeded in that so I can remember my thoughts on the book, yet still keep you interested.

RSL vs. Columbus - Watch Party

2011-02-27T12:10:00.004-07:00

As my good buddy Spike said... "We're going to the happiest place on earth - Not Disneyland, we're going to The Riot (Rio Tinto)." Real Salt Lake had a super important away game in Columbus, and RSL hosted a watch party at the stadium clubhouse. I'd say over 500 people showed up to watch a game on T.V. - Pretty loyal fan base.

Ryan, Kenton, Tatjana and I in front of the clubs Trophy Case which includes the MLS Cup! - Thanks to my boys Taylor Fugate, and Jake Simons. For hooking me up with a couple free entry tickets.

Taylor is a pretty good photographer - Kenton with some hardware over his shoulder.

Taylor (Twellman) and myself with the open view to the stadium in our rearview.

The RSL Show with the four of us in the background.

Taylor Fugate took all the pictures - check out his blog and pictures here

Saturday Sounds - The XX - VCR

2011-02-26T21:38:00.003-07:00

This band has blown up over the past 6 months... It's interesting to see after watching them live nearly a year ago. Good bedtime music.. The whole album is awesome!

Dancing Grannies and Beach Soccer

2011-02-25T15:42:00.003-07:00

Your Never As Good As They Say, Never As Bad As They Say.....

I do miss the beach and Erick and I dancing with random Grandma's... We kind make their day! And, as Venom pointed out... They kind of make our day!

Book Review - "Into Thin Air" Jon Krakauer

2011-02-24T15:07:00.004-07:00

*Note* My book reviews aren't really reviews of the book. More parts that I liked, lessons I learned, quotes I like, and things I will apply to my life.

Jon Krakauer is one of my very favorite Authors! He offers fantastic views inside stories that deal with the human nature, critical decision making, and how real life develops a man into these situations. I've read "Into The Wild", as well as watched the movie. I've read "Where Men Win Glory", and now I just finished, "Into Thin Air"

My favorite thing about Krakauer's writing, is the amount of research he does not only about the event he's writing about, but he digs so deep all the way back to the birth of a man to find out who he is, how he developed, what he went through, and why he made the decisions he made to get into, and try to get out of any give situations.

Into Thin Air was a chilling, yet fascinating read on so many fronts. Krakauer at the time of his experience was a fairly well respected writer for Outside Magazine, and was assigned by the Magazine to go climb everest on their ($80,000) dime. I believe the trip was actually bartered for ad space in the magazine by the guide company who led Krakauer and several others up the mountain. I really can't imagine the joy in climbing this mountain, and I absolutely love mountaineering, exploring and adventure. Maybe for the fact that the only people who climb the mountain are super successful doctors that pay upwards of $80,000 to have a sherpa carry their bags to the top for them, set up their tents, climb ahead and set up ropes, ladders and brew hot tea for them. Where's the joy in that. Where's the growth in this process. What do you get out of it besides a lighter wallet, and the fact that you climbed with someone holding your hand to the tallest peak in the world, with bottled oxygen constantly being forced in your mask. That part of it I think is silly, and takes almost all of the battle out of the process. But, what Krakauer and the others went through, and must still be going through today went through is unreal. It makes you want to stay in bed and never go outside again. This is a must read for anyone - a real life, human as can be, chilling journey of what men are made of when faced with life, death, and the funny things the elevation does to your brain the higher you go.

"But at times I wondered if I had not come a long way only to find that what I really sought (by coming to everest) was something that I have left behind." - Thomas F. Hornbein

To me this says: Sometimes we are so enamored with a goal, a destination, an challenge, that we forget what we have right in front of us. The excitement to summit the tallest mountain on our planet seemed to blind a lot of these guys to the fact that they had a great life at home, that whatever they were seeking by going there wasn't really fulfilled, and in all actuality, probably set each and every survivor back in life.

The climb to 29,028' is filled with months of climatizing yourself to the lack of oxygen, training on ice climbing, and temperatures that fall below 100 degrees celsius with wind chill. The wear and tear on your body, mind and soul sounds excruciating.... especially when you are partly responsible for some of the 12 casualties that were suffered on the mountain. What are the chances that a well renowned writer like Krakauer would be on hand, and survive the most tragic everest summit attempt in the history of the iconic mountain. We're so fortunate to be able to be drawn in to each and every though, rationale, and decision that these men and woman went through.

"The more improbable the situation and the greater the demands made on the person, the more sweetly the blood flows later in release from all that tension. The possibility of danger serves merely to sharpen his awareness and control. And perhaps this is the rationale of all risky sports: You deliberately raise the ante of effort and concentration in order, as it were, to clear your mind of trivialities. It's a small scale model for living, but with a difference. Unlike your routine life, where mistakes can usually be recouped and some kind of compromise patched up, your actions for however brief a period, are deadly serious." - A. Alvarez

To me this is such a powerful quote - One of my favorites I've read in a long time. We, as human beings are truly amazing creatures... Most men don't even scratch the service of their ability. Great men search, learn, develop, fail, try again... When your back is up against the wall, when life is on the line, you can really do things that you previously thought impossible. We become smarter, sharper, stronger, and much more focused when we push ourselves to our previously known limits. Then, if we survive that experience, we all of the sudden have new limits... we're much stronger, wiser, smarter and hungrier for life.. Isn't that strange? Why don't we keep pushing our limits without being forced to, so when we are in those situations, we don't have to figure it out....we already know, we're already strong enough.

"But there are men for whom the unattainable has a special attraction. Usually they are not experts: their ambitions and fantasies are strong enough to brush aside the doubts which more cautious men might have. Determination and faith are their strongest weapons. At best such men are regarded as eccentric; at worst, mad..." - Walt Unsworth

To me this says everything about this journey gone wrong... The attraction outweighed the common sense, the fact that the majority of the climbers with Krakauer had never been above 10,000 feet.. They were mad. But, in life we do a lot of things that we probably aren't good enough, well equipped enough, smart enough, but somehow we figure it out. Again, humans are amazing and the Determination and Faith that we posses can lead us through nearly anything.

"We took risks, we knew we took them, things have come out against us, and therefore we have no cause for complaint, but to bow to the will of Providence, determined still to do our best to the last." - Robert Falcon Scott

Again, amazing human resolve. A trait that I practice and try to develop in myself. All problems we get ourselves into are a result of our choice or bad timing. We can learn from each and every one. There's truly no time to complain about things, only time to observe, and find how you react to it. Then you have the choice, willpower, strength and determination to get yourself out of everything - or die trying.

I like reading about religion, but I've never really researched the Buddhist way of life. I was very intrigued to learn that the devout Buddhists believe in something called "Sonam" - This is an accounting of righteous deeds that when large enough enables one to escape the cycle of birth and re-birth, and transcend forever this world of pain and suffering. It's common across the board. Religion is there to keep us in line, and to make life a mission to achieve a certain level of goodness...or else! I still think it's bullshit, but I'm trying to be open minded and learn.

"The one great advantage which inexperience confers on the would be mountaineer is that he is not bogged down by tradition or precedence. To him all things appear simple, and he chooses straightforward solutions to the problems he faces. Often of course it defeats the success he seeks, and sometimes it has tragic results, but the man himself doesn't know this when he sets out on his adventure. Yet, untrammeled by techniques, determination carries him a long way."- Walt Unsworth

This one can be applied across all avenues of life. Although we may be unexperienced or not confident in what we do, there are certain advantages that we have as opposed to the super experienced guy. We make more thoughtful decisions, more direct and fun paths. The experience makes you think to much and calculate to a fault sometimes.

The journey of this book is truly amazing - 12 of 20 climbers died over that trip, almost all the rest were severely damaged from frostbite, blindness, starvation, altitude disease, etc. The fact that it became every man for himself is a tragedy, but that's the risk you run in that environment. Leaving friends and associates to die merely 300 yards from safety didn't sit well with a lot of people, but had the survivors tried to save them, no one would've been able to tell this amazing story.

Climbing provides a challenge, camaraderie, and a sense of a mission that every man should have in his life. Three traits I learned from the book that are of the upmost importance to my continued development are:

Faith In myself
Great Determination
Endurance

Philosophies developed on the mountain...

2011-02-22T02:23:00.003-07:00

I've spent a lot of days in the wilderness with nothing but the pack on my back and the fellas by my side.. I learn so much and develop more and more with each tramp into the wild.

- Walt Unsworth

Trying to live more and more like this quote examines an in-experienced climber. Go charge life and stop over-analyzing everything to the point that you miss opportunities. More is lost on indecision than wrong decision... right?! Determination, grit and a positive outlook will get you through anything... Learn as you go and enjoy the ride.

Late night ramblings from a guy with an eye patch

2011-02-21T02:24:00.007-07:00

In my recovery I've had a lot of down time to read, think, and spend a lot of time with family and a very special girl. I'm blessed with so many great people in my life, I've been presented with different challenges, some that are easy, some that are hard. I've had some that take physical strength or endurance, and some emotional or mental strength and endurance - needless to say I've been growing as a man a lot lately. Recently I've been presented with a major wall in front of me, a crossroads of sorts in my life. I don't think I'm quite ready to discuss the predicament at any length on this blog, but the general idea has set off a tailspin of thoughts and philosophy. Mind you that the "crossroads" is not bad, and is not certain, but in order to take certain steps in life I must choose my direction and make the necessary changes and sacrifices, or stay the same, and forfeit a potentially life changing opportunity.

"Everybody wants a victory, but no one wants to go to battle. Before success there's going to be a battle. You can't have a breakthrough without a wall in front of you. If you want a victory, you have to be willing to put on the armor and be willing to go to war. And remember that you might have to fight a battle more than once to win the war."

- From a journal entry -

I had a very powerful thought while sitting in the doctors office, and it's stuck with me for a few days now. Anything you want to do, you can. Anything you want to master, can be mastered. This doctor is world renowned, but at some point in his life he knew no more about the eyeball, surgery, anatomy, than I know now. Through years and years of study, dedication and practice, he has mastered his craft. If I really wanted to, I could be a great eye doctor - I really could get to his level. If I want to invest the money in the education, spend the time learning, reading, practicing, and I'm completely devoted to it, I can be this guy.

I can apply this in so many aspects of life, and I know the adage of "doing anything you set your mind to" is as old as man is, but I guess I've never thought of it so simply. The problem stems from society and schooling. When we're young, we have so many interests and things that we practice... as we get older and bills start coming in, we let the first opportunity pick us in a way. We try to pick a skill or skills that will translate in money, then as soon as a path or opportunity to gain security in a career, or more money than we're currently getting, we drop everything, cash in all our other loves to become passing at this one skill that at first seems like everything. Why not get really good at as many things that you have interest in as you can...then follow paths of each one individually. You can't convince me that an esteemed doctor can only be the best at being a doctor. Why stop there, go out and be a great musician, a skilled sailor, a math wiz, a professional athlete, a congressman, an artist, a great parent, etc.

Never stop living and achieving - Walk down as many paths as you can, exhaust options and move on... I mean, sometimes dead ends are going to happen, but the experience can only make you better and stronger. Explore all of life, develop yourself as best you can, develop as many skills as you can, find hobbies and endlessly pursue being great at them, and become the best person you can for you and your family.

"When each day is the same as the next, it's because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises."

Me personally, I gave up on my guitar about 500 times.. why can't I dedicate myself to it for a month to become ok at it, get comfortable with keeping it out, and then spending the rest of my life mastering it to my liking. Why can't I learn spanish, or any other language, begin to understand it, then attain a conversational level, then master it throughout the rest of my life. Even though I got my head smashed the first and only time I tried surfing, I gave up way too easy... It's never too late to try again and potentially find something I treasure forever, something I teach my kids one day. Why does what I know now comfort me to thinking it's enough. I can also always read, learn, analyze to become a better friend, son, lover, brother, uncle, cousin, and hopefully a good dad and husband one day.

It's also funny how it works and how you feel about it depending on who you're relating to. For example: I could be an expert on exploring and enjoying San Francisco to my family members because I have been there a few times, and they have never been there... to them, I'm an expert.. to myself, I don't know that much compared to a buddy like Martin who lived there for years. Or just because I climbed a mountain once, my friends who have never been question me like i'm a park ranger, and my ego confirms that I'm the ultimate badass and I know everything.. Then as were hiking and I'm lost, reality sets in and we all remember that I've only been on this mountain one more time than the guys i'm instructing... One experience at something can crown you a king, but don't let that be it... just take off flying from there and never look back, keep progressing and bettering yourself until you really are a specialist in some sorts.

So...to tie it all up, if i'm sure about a love in my life, and I'm sure she's the one I want to spend the rest of eternity with, and she's the best girl I can imagine for raising my kids, and balancing me out, then I can sure as hell learn to be, and become an expert on being the man that she deserves, and hopefully this sentiment is realized and returned by her. Hopefully, knowledge, communication, experience and love will drive you and help you prevail any obstacle. Great things in life aren't free, and the best things definitely don't come easy. Walls need to be broken through, barriers need to be crossed, a prideful man who is set in his ways can be changed. Just like the Doctor mastering his trade, or myself learning a new skill and mastering it, this task first takes the willingness to do so, then years of hard work, dedication and studying... That which will most likely never end.. you just need to know that our life is a constant progression, and we can all continually learn, achieve, get better and grow.

Anything in life is attainable - It's just a matter of how hard you want to work, how much of yourself can you dedicate to achieve a positive outcome... Like Pat Tillman said here.. "Good intentions are not enough to ensure a positive outcome." Whether it's a relationship I want to work out, or the fact that I really want to learn to play piano.. the only thing stopping me is myself.... dedicate yourself to the cause, and see it out through the rest of your life, continually making adjustments, learning, growing, and enjoying. What is ten years of schooling if gaining your PHD is what will truly make me happy... then i'd be left with 20 years of work as a psych and a great retirement at a normal age..time to spend with my family, with my kids. Seriously... life.. our short existence on earth (100 years max) isn't a long time. My daily quest is this.. what can I learn today, how can I better myself, what relationships can I strengthen, how can I treat my family, friends, girlfriend, mind, body and soul better, how do I get the most out of my time here.. how do i best exercise my mind, body, soul, relationships... take advantage of this beautiful earth we live on, how do I give more of myself, how do I best prepare for marriage, kids, or much simpler... how do I best take care of my eye now to ensure the best vision for the rest of my life. Well... I choose to keep pushing, keep learning, keep progressing and evolving.

Sorry for the rant... now I feel better.

Now I just felt like playing this video for some strange reason. It spoke to me and several of my friends several times... a real ally in dealing with heartbreak for men (yes ladies, we find ourselves in this dark alley too).. this scene and the entire movie is a real gem. If you've got a love gone bad, watch this and move on.... "Cause when you do, the future is beautiful"

Saturday Sounds - Beautiful Girls

2011-02-19T12:36:00.003-07:00

I have quite a few beautiful girls in my life. Some new, some old.. I live with 4 pretty special girls, London and I have been dancing to this one for a while now.

In Spite Of All The Danger...Update

2011-02-17T01:32:00.006-07:00

I get a warning bracelet in this recovery process that warns hospitals, doctors, dentists, airplane folks that I have an eyeball filled with gas, and change in elevation, atmospheric pressure, use of gas from the dentist can all cause my eye to explode and die... Nice!

The sweet Ray Charles shades I get to rock...
The Rasta hippy / Sal Masekela look.. The headpiece is a long scarf that i made into a hat.. This hat was wonderful.. I regularly pull it completely over the eyes to rest and relax. When my good eye is open, the bad eye naturally wants to follow.. for the first few days that was excruciating.
Regular Eye patch look...
The patch is off, the eyeball is bloody, the face down time is frustrating.. the hinderance and burden it has put on my life, my family's, and friends is getting old. Ready to be back to 100%

While watching Nowhere Boy for the first time, I stumbled across this gem of a song. Paul McCartney & John Lennon actually wrote it, performed it live with a group called the Quarrymen, and then used it as a springboard to form one of the greatest bands of all time... The Beatles.

This song reminds me of this wonderful girl who I like just a little bit... She has been helping me in my eyeball recovery, and I owe her big time! She is one of the kindest, sweetest, funniest girls I've ever met, and she is just as adorable in person too...

By the way, the eyeball is healing nicely.. no vision back yet, but doc says I'm on the right track for a positive recovery... whatever that means.

Grandpa used to tell me: "Research is what I do when I have no idea what I'm doing." At the time I thought it was another one of his tongue twisters, but now I get it. I've got a lot of big decisions to make and they're fairly critical decisions. They can and will totally shape, and re-shape my life forever. So... since I have no idea what I'm doing, research is what I need to be doing. Here's to hoping I can fully regain my vision, get back to life as was... and making the right decisions.

Saturday Sounds - California state of mind

2011-02-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite bands of all time - Limbeck - I've seen them several times in Utah and California. They really are just feel good music, it's too bad they stopped rocking. This video / song is great and makes me miss backyard BBQ's and pool parties under the warm California sun, as well as just being with good dudes and chicks. People Don't Change

Surgery.....

2011-02-07T03:48:00.003-07:00

I try to act like a tough guy, injury and recovery don't typically bother me. But it's nearly 4am and this is the third night in a row I can't sleep. I'm so nervous and just lay in bed and tense up with anxiety in waiting for this surgery. The vision loss I have now is enough to drive me crazy, but thinking of going completely blind is haunting me right now. I'm not asking for pity, whining cause I can... I'm just journaling this moment for future reference to look at and be grateful when I have my vision back and I can sleep at night....

These youtube videos don't help.... I can't imagine the surgery taking place with me fully awake, and only having a topical anesthetic. Once I get through this, I get to look forward to as many as six weeks where I have to lay face down for 20-24 hours a day. The gas bubble that is inserted inside the eye needs to remain pressing against the back of the eye to assure a proper seal and proper healing. I'm reading that I should rent tables and chairs that are designed for recovery from this surgery to ease the recovery. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm going to go crazy, shortly after I go bankrupt.

But....I'm so very fortunate to have awesome family and friends that offer anything I need to help with the process. Free places to live, food, help with finances, company, and great advice. Thanks to you all who read this. It means the world to me that you put up with me.

Superbowl...

2011-02-07T02:25:00.001-07:00

Isabella and London hanging.

For the Super Bowl this year, Tracy & Christy were brave enough to have Ryan and I over along with Ryan's daughters. It was a lot more of everyone spending time together, as opposed to actually watching the Super Bowl.. Tracy made a fantastic homemade lasagna from scratch, and Christy made her world famous cheese ball.. no wonder the Packers won.

Ryan, myself and his daughters also went and met up with Kenton and his kids at the Riverwoods. We all ate at Malawi Pizza and went to the Provo Beach Resort... They have a surf shop named.. "Called to Surf" - Only in Provo can you find that!

London is a stud and helped me go grab a few things at the store before my surgery.. The sun was hurting her eyes, and she was pumped to throw on the roll-up shades!

A thought on climbing mountains

2011-02-06T00:58:00.003-07:00

"But at times I wondered if I had not come a long way only to find that what I really sought was something I had left behind."
Thomas F. Hornbein - while climbing Everest

Saturday Sounds - Sam Cooke

2011-02-05T23:22:00.002-07:00

Sam Cooke is a legend! I love this guys music, and his incredible voice. He was commonly known as the "King Of Soul" - Cooke tragically died at the age of 31 - His contribution to soul popularized James Brown and Otis Redding, and led to the rise of Aretha Franklin, Curtis Mayfield, Stevie Wonder, and Marvin Gaye.

And I just had to throw this one in because I love the song, love the movie.. In fact, I think this may be the best in movie singing performance ever! Happy Saturday.. Twist N' Shout

Eyeball Update...

2011-02-03T22:35:00.003-07:00

I got the chance to go meet with a very well known Retinal Surgeon today to further assess the damage to my eye. The 3.5 hour process was monotonous to say the least. They did all the same tests as the doctor did last night. The rest of the patients had an average age of, near death. I caught myself several times reaching for my oxygen tank, walker, wheel chair, or diet soda.

But, there's a reason he's the best i guess... He found something that the other doctor missed. Something that's gonna cost me in the range of $2,000 - $5,000 out of pocket. I have a tear in my Macular, and it won't heal itself. The retina is being pulled on by all the leaking gel and could cause it to tear off completely.

The picture above on the left has my good eye (left) on the bottom.. it's all kosher with straight lines, the tissue bands are in good shape. Then you look at the upper picture of my bad (right) eye, and the tissue bands are destroyed. They look like an old barnyard gate that someone left open. The Retina is the little white light below that and is hanging on for hope. Or surgery!

The picture on the right, you get an outside perspective.. there's a dark blob in the middle, with a bright white line going thru it.. that's the tear and the blister.

Hopefully I can make the surgery happen, get my vision back, and get back to soccer and basketball. What a kick to the nuts though!

I guess this is becoming an annual event..

2011-02-02T22:37:00.008-07:00

Well, well, well... look who decided to show up again! Major eye problems induced by sports injuries.. Last year it was Basketball that left me with the picture on the right.. a classy little blood filled eyeball know as a Subconjunctival Hemorrhage.. Basically i exerted myself way too hard while visiting Utah. The elevation and the over-exertion caused blood vessels to burst leaving me with a nice eyeball.

Fast forward almost exactly one year, and my friend Branden invited me to play soccer on his club team. Playing defense, I was shielding the ball from an attacking forward - allowing the keeper to scoop up the ball. When that didn't happen quick enough, the keeper (emergency) cleared the ball to avoid the attacker from beating him to the ball. Unfortunately, the ball left the keepers foot from about five feet away, and collided directly with my eye. The cool part of the result is the picture on the left. I got a nice black eye, and an onslaught of love and concern from all the friends around. The bad part was that my vision in my right eye was immediately black... If you've ever seen a iPod, iPhone, or cell phone screen that has been broken, and there's faint lines of light on the edge - but the majority of the screen is pure black... well, that's all I could see...and all I can still see 24 hours later. This has to be the most frustrating injury I've ever had, and I've had a lot of them.. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it, and you realize just how much you take your eyes for granted... If I close my left eye, I can't see a thing.. what?! That's insane... Never thought that could or would happen to me.

Like everyone else, I'm sure your asking... Well jackass, did you go to the doctor?

I'm kinda stubborn about doctors, hospital visits... unless it's bleeding and hanging off of my body, I think I can handle it, or time will fix it. But... Mom knows best I guess. She was close to grabbing my ear and dragging me to get it looked at. She set up an appointment for me and made me go get It looked at. As they were giving me the elementary eye tests that I so often have dominated, I realized.. yeah, it's probably good I'm here. I couldn't see a thing with my right eye... No light, no shapes, nothing. It was absolutely scary. After a couple hours of tests, the doctor calling other doctors for opinions, and me rocking the roll up Ray Charles shades, the good doctor Todd Lewis determined that I have a retina detachment with Commotio-retinae that requires me to see a Retina surgeon.. Good ole Dr. Carver! What a name for a guy that I'm praying won't want to slice or dice my eyeball in anyway.. I'm thinking I should've stayed home and let it heal itself... as opposed to Carver carvin' me up.

Thanks to Branden and the Hooligans for letting me play.. Hopefully you'll "SEE" me back on the pitch soon! Also, thanks to all of you who were so concerned... I have the best friends and family. But, hopefully this is no big deal.

Jeremy at his finest..

2011-01-31T15:51:00.003-07:00

So this is terribly random, but me and my nieces were watching this movie today, and the girls confirmed what I've long thought myself. Chris Farley reminds us of my brother Jeremy, and Norm reminds us of my brother Tracy.

Norm: Jimmy, your new nose looks great!

Farley: Thanks.. best $200 bucks i've ever spent

The Jeremy comparisons really stand out at the :40 second mark, and the face he makes at the :50 second mark when he looks at Norm and says, "Woman"... It's so classic that I just had to post it.

Now we're watching Beverly Hills Ninja (Tommy Boy & Black Sheep have already been watched) cause these girls love Chris Farley soooo much! I'm glad they get a chance to see one of the funniest actors to ever live.

Things I Love

2011-01-30T15:44:00.005-07:00

Thanks to a new friend, Michelle who runs this awesome blog - Which in fact is not called "this awesome blog" - I was inspired to reflect on some things I'm loving right now to counter balance my angry, hateful rant about marriage and life which I wrote here... I guess this is just to help everyone see that i'm not a bitter, resentful, angry person. I actually don't have any ill feelings or oppositions towards girls, dating, marriage, family..etc. I actually welcome it, and admit from prior experiences that life with a girl involved is better than one without.

180 Degree's South - One of the better documentaries I've watched in awhile - watch the preview here

Anything made by Apple.. iPhone, Macbook laptop, iPod.. etc.
The Pie Pizzeria - Best Pizza I've ever had.. The underground location in SLC is a must visit
Books by Jon Krakauer (Into Thin Air, Where Men Win Glory, Into The Wild...etc.)
Snowboarding
Futsal
Josh Ligairi's "Documentary Club"
Wine, Beer - and the social aspect that follows each
Twitter (add me)
Friends I've made through blogging
Playing in two basketball leagues with some of my best friends
The personal growth I've been going through
My RSL warmup pants... for sleeping in
Being able to wear coats and thermals for the first time in six years.. So long So Cal.
New shirts from Bumpy Pitch

Planning several new trips and adventures (Tahoe Snowboarding / Blue John Canyon / Rock Climbing classes / Houseboat in Lake Powell / working on Europe with Phil)
Netflix
My family and how good they're to me
Atdhe.net is a fantastic website for letting me stream any soccer game I want around the world, live on my computer
Blogging more openly - and the feedback I get for doing it
Hugs and Artwork from my nieces - they give me lots of each
Snacks... Annie helps me keep current on the best candies and snackies
Jazz games with Brett.. watching on the tube, or going to them
Chopping wood and starting fires, nearly on a nightly basis
Hunter and his remote control Bigfoot... Exercise!

Another awesome Sundance day

2011-01-29T17:03:00.003-07:00

On Wednesday I talked my big brother Ryan into taking off work half day so we could run up to Sundance for a few hours of snowboarding. I forget how nice it is to live 10 minutes from such fantastic terrain to ride on. The day started out foggy, but soon cleared up.

Sundance Resort, Provo, UT.

A look at the beautiful scenery at the upper lodge where me and Ryan sat and had a glass of wine, looked at what a goof Robert Redford was, and watched him ride the ski lift back down the mountain instead of skiing down (he was wearing ski boots, but rode a lift around?)

Sundance Resort, Provo, UT.

Redford... get a lift up here!

Sundance Resort, Provo, UT.

Sitting in the lodge to get our beer's...err... wine. When out of the blue, this champ walks into my dreams! I love skiers for the simple reason that some of them wear jeans tucked into their ski boots. Thanks for the laugh!

Saturday Sounds - Local Utah Music

2011-01-29T01:35:00.001-07:00

I've seen these guys many times live and they never let me down. Their albums are must haves, and they are really rad people.

Spontaneous Trip

2011-01-28T19:03:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my cousin Mckenzie, her husband Micah, and myself decided to hop in the trusty old Camry and fly down to Southern California to spend some time with my brother Jeremy, and his family who put up with me and housed me for a few months last year. They recently had a beautiful new baby girl. I wanted to see her (Lily) and to see their son Hunter who is a champ! Jeremy and Meagan are pretty cool too.

Took MC & Micah to my favorite beach. The stairs go forever, but pregnant MC was a trooper and let us boys play around for a bit. They were fun road trip partners.

Table Rock - Laguna Beach, CA.

The tide was a bit low, but me and Micah hiked over a monster mountain to the hidden beach with the sweet cove / tunnel. It was so nice there!

Table Rock - Laguna Beach, CA.

We also took MC and Micah down to Venice to see the freaks and creeps. This guy was awesome! as well as "The Doctors In" folks...

Venice Beach, CA.

Mckenzie, Micah & I were waiting for Jeremy and his family. So we decided to take in 20 minutes of classic Venice pick up basketball. The stands are full of homeless druggies, and the courts are filled with crybabies.. Fairly entertaining though!

Venice Beach, CA.

Hunter got a while to play in the playground, and Micah showed me his swing backflip.

Venice Beach, CA.

We went out to watch the USA v. Chile soccer match, but my favorite place - The Old Ship didn't have it for some reason. So... we went to ESPN Zone in downtown disney to watch. Jer pulled some strings and got us the best seats in the house...

ESPN Zone - Anaheim, CA.

The front row of ESPN Zone has the only 10 recliners in the whole restraunt.. maybe the whole downtown disney. These seats are very hard to get, but the occasion was fitting and there we found ourselves looking at Blake Griffin, Jimmer Fredette, and the USA Soccer Team playing on TV's the size of a house. It was awesome!

ESPN Zone - Anaheim, CA.

The day we left, we all went to one of our favorite spots for breakfast - Harbor House Cafe is a place I've spent many nights and enjoyed many great conversations at. Hunter was awesome (even though he was sick) wearing his sweet Dora backpack while he ate. We were also lucky enough to get a visit at breakfast from one of my best friends, Alex. It was great to see him.

Harbor House Cafe - Dana Point, CA.

All in all it was a great trip - I got to spend a lot of time with my brothers family, Mckenzie and Micah. I got to meet up and have beers with Adam, Cathy, Shusaku, Alex (In the OC) - Phil, Dennis, Hansoul (In Los Angeles) and a few others that I know I'm forgetting. It was a reminder of how many good times, and good people I knew living in So Cal. I miss it, but I'm happy In Utah for the Winter. Mckenzie and I got into a silly habit of crossing every-time we saw a cross of the side of the freeway. We figured it would bring good luck - It did on the way down, as we made the drive in a little under 8 hours. On the way back we were laughing because we saw a star of david next to a cross. As I was crossing, Mckenzie says... "Give me a minute" as she's crossing the star of david. It was hilarious to us, but our sac-religious attitude and actions caught up to us when I was caught speeding. I'm currently debating paying the ticket, or going back to California next weekend and stopping in Arizona to attend a 5 hour traffic school - keeping my driving record clean. We'll see.....

Quote's sitting on my desktop

2011-01-28T01:20:00.000-07:00

"I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."- Chris McCandless Journal

"At It's core, adventure is the willingness to commit to an uncertain outcome with an open heart, and an open mind. It is the ability to take a leap into the unknown with mindfulness and grace." - Some Yoga magazine

"You are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things." - Chris McCandless letter to Ron Franz

"Don't try to remake yourself into the person your in-laws want you to be" - Shakespere

"I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong." - Chris McCandless

"It should not be denied that being footloose has always exhilarated us. It is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations. Absolute freedom. And the road has always led west." - Chris McCandless

"He threw away all the things that we value: Money, cheering, and celebrity - and i still don't know whether this is a product of him being bi-polar or mentally ill, or it's a product of him being the only sane person out there and the rest of us worshiping all the wrong things." - Dan Lebatard on Ricky Williams - Run Ricky Run

"It's kinda like the quest for the holy grail. Well, who gives a shit what the holy grail is. It's the quest that's what's important. The transformation is in yourself." - Yvon Chouinard - 180 Degree's South

"If you can find work, stay healthy and find someone to share it with, you'll be the ultimate success." Dick Clarke

"When you're young your potential is infinite, you might do anything really. You might DiMaggio, you might be Einstein. But then you get to an age when what you might be, gives way to what you have been. You weren't Einstein, you weren't anything. That's a bad moment." - Chuck Barris - Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind

"I've grown personally but produced nothing. I've also produced, made money, achieved things, but inside felt like I was dead. It's important to have a balance." - Ricky Williams - Run Ricky Run

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things - And no good thing ever dies." "Get busy living, or get busy dying." Red - Shawshank Redemption

"Everybody wants a victory, but no one wants to go to battle. Before success, there's going to be a battle. You can't have a breakthrough without a wall in front of you." "If you want a victory, you have to be willing to put on the armor and go to war." "You may have to fight that battle more than once to win it." - Can't remember... I think it was M. Scott Peck - A Road Less Traveled

Literary Geniuses - Henry David Thoreau

2011-01-28T01:02:00.000-07:00

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

-Henry David Thoreau,"Where I Lived, and What I Lived For"

I guess people who lived several hundred years ago went through the same things, and had the same thoughts I have. I know I'm late to the party, but I just started reading his work, and the guy is awesome! He followed the same path and same train of thought that many of us who have came after him thought. Some guys like Everett Ruess, Chris McCandless, Pat Tillman, My dad have wrote, or said things that I've read that are reminiscent of Thoreau's work. Keep living, keep experiencing all you can.. We're not as young as we think we are.

Ramblings from my mind... I need to write down

2011-01-27T22:47:00.000-07:00

**I Initially just poured this out of my head because I have been thinking about it every night I lay in bed. I was going to clean it up, edit it, and make the grammar better. But, I kinda like it how it is - Sorry if it offends anyone.**

The American Nightmare

Whatever happened to the 'good ole' boys... Henry David Thoreau, Everett Ruess, Chris McCandless, Llewelyn Moss, Ed Tom Bell, Pat Tillman and many others. The one's who follow their heart, the guys who go against the grain. I don't want to (and none of these guys did either) want to settle for the blueprint that society has made for us. I don't want to be another pawn, chasing what the media, and society says I should do. I don't agree with cashing in life for a mortgage payment, a nice car, nice things, or simply to impress a hot chick... I hear a lot of people complaining that they feel like they're working simply to pay the bills. They go to a job they hate, simply to pay the mortgage, car payment, buy nice clothes, jewelry, and other accessories that are simply a burden and keep one living in vain...whatever. I don't wan't to do that. The only way I want those things, Is if I attain them doing something I love... Working cause I love what I do, not cause I have to. Yet, It is so easy to get in over your head and become stuck in the "rat race." Spending beyond your means as a younger guy to impress, get that nice car, clothes, go to nice bars, clubs...It's all a simple trick in courting.. to try to get laid, or to feel like you're leading a meaningful life. Then, the dumb bitch isn't impressed unless you drive that nice car and are taking her out doing extravagant things. She wants a nice house, kids, nice things...things...things. And if you don't get her these things she doesn't feel loved, then you don't get loved back.... resentment sets in... feelings get repressed... cheating and hatred happens. Then, she decides she doesn't need to work anymore.. enjoying all the nice things you've provided her and maybe watching a kid or fifteen has become a full-time job. All of a sudden, the income that you thought was pretty good (at the job you hate) just isn't cutting it anymore... the house, the car, the things aren't cool anymore.. .she's not on par with what her friends or sisters have. So of course.. she wants new stuff, a new house, another kid. Well, fuck you! I'm busting my ass for this life we created and were happy with, I hate my job, our relationship sucks, I don't enjoy life outside of my kids and family, I have no friends anymore... and to top it all off, you're not happy with me or our life anymore.. you don't find me attractive anymore... there's no intimacy anymore - What in the hell happened?

This is a major reason why I never took a chance with relationships of my past. Maybe it's just nothing.. maybe i'm right? maybe everyone else is chasing the wrong things. maybe I should just go places I dream of with nothing but my backpack.... at least before my day to day, and year to year becomes a labor to make some conceited bitch with an image to maintain happy. Maybe I'm just jaded or scarred from past love gone bad. But, right now I'd rather be a poor single dude, than loading all these burdens on my back with no enjoyment out of it all.

This is a scrambled mess of a nightmare... I don't even know if it makes sense at all, Is this all crazy.. have I lost my mind?! There is some truth to the fact that love, lust, vanity, image can very easily lead us down a road that we'll later regret. I guess i've just seen it happen way too often. And ladies.. I'm very aware this does happen both ways... I'm just saying it from my perspective what being stuck in this nightmare would be like. Up for discussion.

Saturday Sounds - Vacation weekend

2011-01-23T00:39:00.000-07:00

I really like this song from Mumford & Sons

Finances - They drive me crazy!

2011-01-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

Money, it's not really something I value - and I'm not sure that's a bad thing. I learned at a very young age from my grandparents that money is something that easily comes and goes. Therefore, I developed as the type that made a dollar, and spent a dollar-fifty. I'm not particularly bad or careless with my money, I just don't save it or invest it very well. My approach is that money can easily be made, it just depends how hard you want to work to get it quickly. Generally we're just lazy and choose to accept a boring life that is ran by mundane and cumbersome responsibilities that require us to work jobs that we hate simply to make money and exist... not enjoy life. Me personally, I'd rather be poor with those I love not stressing everyday how I'm going to pay a bill.

That being said, I do need money for emergencies on hand. I need a reserve. I need a travel fund. I need to finish paying off my student loans. I want to say yes to any and all travel opportunities and social outlets. I want to be smarter with the money I make and have on hand. One day I want to get married and have a family - I want to take care of them. So, I started a budget, and am currently knee deep in month number one of my four month finance tracker. This tracker has to stay by my side constantly as I fill it with every cent I spend.

The goal - I want to have a fairly good grasp as to where my money is going, and how I can better reallocate it. I want to recognize my patterns and habits, get rid of the bad, keep chugging along with the good, and hopefully at the end of the day I will have new spending / saving habits that will help me live more at my pace, not society's.

I'm not looking to cut the pipeline off at all, I'm just looking to clean up how I use money. For example:

Dinner with the family, beer with friends, buying used or renting dvd's, books, cd's, climbing gear, backpacking gear, etc. That's all well and good!
Stopping by Wendy's cause i'm too lazy to cook at home, drinking by myself, buying random new gear or toys that rarely get used, etc. That's not all well and good.

Here's to hoping that I stick to this and really pull myself up to a new level on my quest for greatness. Track those finances, categorize on a spreadsheet, then discipline myself.

10 things I was reminded of this weekend...

2011-01-16T23:34:00.000-07:00

This is simply a writing exercise I saw on some website to get my mind processing instead of sitting here thinking blankly like Barton Fink.

No matter how much I don't want to do it, I always feel better after exercising
I love reading and learning
With a little rubbing alcohol, a 2 liter bottle, and a bike pump - you can make a cloud
I always regret the time wasted on video games or watching the tele
I'd rather be outside than inside
I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery
People, generally are really good to one another - watch this (start @ 1:20)

8. Comparing yourself to others is futile

9. Enjoy life > Endure Life

10. Time spent with family in a boring place far outweighs time spent alone at the beach

Saturday Sounds - The Specials

2011-01-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

The Specials have long been one of my favorite bands. They did so much for the acceptance of black / white music relations, as well as the ska / punk scene. The Specials were an 2 Tone band formed in 1977. Their music combines a "danceable ska and Rocksteady" beat with punk's energy and attitude", and had a "more focused and informed political and social stance" than other ska groups. After seven consecutive UK top 10 singles between 1979 and 1981, the band broke up. Such an amazing band that only stuck around for a few moments in history.

Info from Wikipedia and my brain - Video's from youtube

A post about "Love"

2011-01-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

So, I was blog surfing the other day and stumbled upon a great blog. Free as a bird is an excellent blog with great writing style throughout. This piece which I also pasted below was truly great! I look forward to reading more - Thanks Mallory.

"I think many people want a riot out of love. Want excitement and unpredictability just as much as they want commitment and a lack of surprises. Everyone wants a paradox in love. They want contradictions. They want to be with someone sometimes sensitive and soft, other times bold and aggressive. They want to be with someone perfectly honest, who will tell the truth under all circumstances yet expect lies to save face. They want someone intelligent, but no more intelligent than they lest they should feel inferior. They want someone confident but not arrogant, someone humble but not weak. They want someone who will take charge in every situation except for the ones they feel qualified in. And they want someone who can discern which of these things they need to be at the very moment they need to be it. They need someone loyal, but playing hard to get adds excitement to the relationship. They want someone to flirt shamelessly and kiss often, except for when they want to be serious and untouched. They want some to be completely hilarious at one moment and weep with them at the next; the perfect balance of laughter and sympathy. Perhaps, perhaps they want these things because in reality they don't actually know what they want.Tragically, stability and unpredictability cannot long live in a relationship until one conquers the other. And so goes the rest of these traits. A contradictory love cannot be kept alive, a love that switches its focus daily, minutely, will not last. Love continually works towards one thing; an undying burning, a quenchless desire to simply exist in the world of another. When you truly love someone there is not an ounce of lust, but rather, a true and honest desire to keep them safe, and to be in their arms. Those who are deeply in love would give almost anything simply for an hour in the arms of the one they love, anything. This love is love regardless of being recognized as such, this love is love unconditionally, this love is love whether or not the lovers are being coy or bold, flirtatious or rigid, business-like or romantic. This love lasts because the love is not based on the subject matter, the silly minutely decisions, the ridiculous games played, it is based on a deep tie, an uncontrollable magnetic force between two people, a force that seems to want them together, to bring them together, and they want it too, they love each other because it is essential to their living, a necessity to their existence. And what a beautiful thing it is, to be in love."

60 Ways To Make Life Simple Again

2011-01-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

"Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple,

and the simple thing is the right thing."

- Oscar Wilde

I saw this great post on 60 Ways To Make Life Simple Again and figured we could all take this and learn from it. Some great stuff that's typically a no brainer, but sometimes forgotten.

Spotted over at Marc & Angel's Hack Life

Watson The Computer.. Jeopardy Champion?

2011-01-14T01:06:00.000-07:00

So, all these people over at IBM have been working for years to develop a computer that will be smart enough, quick enough, confident enough to beat humans on Jeopardy. This thing is legit, and insane to really think about.

Lily Paige York - Born 1/11/2011

2011-01-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

Congrats to big brother Jeremy and his wife Meagan on their new addition - Lily York

Snowboarding At Sundance

2011-01-08T23:36:00.000-07:00

It only took me a month and a half into the season, but I finally got on my Snowboard!

For some reason I can't get the size on this one expanded, but it's beautiful. Sundance Ski Resort in Provo, Utah Is maybe fifteen minutes from where I grew up and am living now. The weather was perfect, the snow was awesome, I got to ride with my favorite person to snowboard with, and wax intellectual about all sorts of topics with my big bro, Ryan.

Here's the big goofball I was just talking about... Overlooking Utah County.

They had these lounge chairs that were perched right at the edge of a cliff. Looked like a good place to stop for a breather and a beer.

Can't really beat the views and surroundings on a day like this!

Ry getting his lounge on...

The kitchen makes you buy a food item when you have beer... I guess to avoid reckless riders.

We snowboarded for nearly five hours - and when Ryan and I ride together, we don't stop much. It's at or near the top of my list of favorite things to do. We were talking while sipping a little whiskey on the lift ride up, we kind of know exactly what each others going to do on the mountain before the other one does it... We fly down the mountain as fast as you can go, merely inches away from each other - It's one of those things that you have to see, or hopefully do, to get it. This is the day's I want to have more often.

Anyone looking to go, I'm always ready to go!

Saturday Sounds

2011-01-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

- Rocky Votolato _-_-_-_ White Daisy Passing
This video really makes me want to go on a road trip to Seattle with a pretty little lady.

Thoughts on "Where Men Win Glory"

2011-01-06T00:12:00.000-07:00

I had a list of books I wanted to read for the past few months, but I've been procrastinating the actual buying or checking out many of these books. Finally, I went to the Provo Library and checked out seven books. The two weeks they give you seems like quite a small window to read your books, but with a renew or two, I think I can knock them all out. First on my list was, "Where Men Win Glory" by one of my favorite authors - Jon Krakauer (Into The Wild, Under The Banner Of Heaven, Into Thin Air) The story in a nutshell is about this intriguing person and his journey in developing himself into the man he wanted to be. He had lofty goals and achieved beyond measure. Pat was a hard hitting safety in the National Football League, making millions, married to his high school sweetheart, with a family and group of friends that were his everything. Walked away from it all to do what he thought to be right, join the military. Through years of self learning and developing Pat came to this: “Sports embodied many of the qualities I deem meaningful,” however, these last few years, and especially after recent events, I’ve come to appreciate just how shallow and insignificant my role is. . . It’s no longer important.” The book takes you on a journey through who Pat was as a man, walking through journals, interviews with friends and families, and depicting a portrait of why Tillman chose the route he did.

I checked the book out on the 27th of December, and had it finished by New Years Eve. I couldn't put this book down! The story, which I was fairly ignorant to was so enthralling, and the pure ineptitude of our government was quite embarrassing. Pat Tillman, who the story is about is my kind of dude. He was such an interesting person and led quite an awesome life. I think the majority of what I got out of this book was how much my virtue's and character aspirations were in line with the kind of life that Pat Tillman led. In fact, I think I'll just make the rest of this about quotes and thoughts from the book that I took a liking too. I'll make sure to type my thoughts in bold so you can differentiate from Tillman and Krakauer's.

Quote's:

"I've never feared death per se, or really given a shit what happens 'after'. I'll cross that bridge when it comes. My concerns have to do with the 'now' and becoming the man I envision, my strength is just somewhere else, it's in myself. I do not fear what may await me, though I'm equally confident nothing does."- Pat Tillman's journal entry after discussions on religion. The guy read the Bible, Book Of Mormon, Quran, and several other religious books. Ultimately deciding to be an Atheist with a firm belief in himself and those around him.

"Good intentions are not enough to ensure a positive outcome" - I really like this one for me personally. To have the ideal that you want to be a good person isn't enough, it really isn't anything until you do something about it.

"If you're comfortable all of the time, you aren't trying" - Lamenting the fact that there's always work to be done, you can always grow or better yourself as a person.

"If I want to experience personal growth, I have to take calculated risks" - Journal entry when he was debating joining the military and walking away from his 'perfect life'.

"It's much better to be sad, than calloused. Sadness let's you know you still care, callousness means you don't" - Here he was talking about how much he missed his wife. Acknowledging that his sadness was just fine. If he was callous or numb to the situation, that's when he should worry.

What was important to Pat as an Atheist:

To do good
To Influence Lives
To show truth and right
Have faith in one's self
Aspire to a general goodness free of religious pretentiousness

- Pat had a firm stance on challenging beliefs, the unknown, false beings. He had a way of really inspiring change in people and making them question if all the spoon fed dogma and politics they've been handed and fully committed to were really their thoughts and beliefs, or those of others. He was such a great listener and debater, everyone who came in contact with him immediately fell in love with.

"These kids are negative, resentful, lazy, weak, and unvirtuous. They constantly bicker, complain, lie, tell tall tales, mope and grumble." - Tillman writes this in his journal shortly after enlisting in Boot Camp where he finds himself frustrated with all of the mundane life in the military as a grunt. He is bunked with fifty new recruits who the vast majority are fresh out of high school. Pat goes on a tirade in his journal and in letters home about his disdain for these kids.

"I'm not a negative man. I do not want to report 'bad', I want to rise above and bring everyone else along with me." - Then he writes out the above perspective and decides instead of being negative and miserable, to be open and willing to help them grow. He really turns a corner and continues his growth as a man in a time where he could've hit bottom and thought, I'm Pat Tillman... why should I put up with this.

Some of Pat's character traits which I totally value and try to practice:

Fortitude: Mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger.
Altruism: Selfless concern for the welfare of others.
Congenial: Same tastes, agreeable with others. - I chose this one because I'm always in search of people who I'm more congenial with.
Idealist: Believe in the good of humanity. Always wanting to see the good in situations.

All in all this book was an awesome read, and I would recommend it to anyone. I like to rate books, movies, and music on the simple scale of, "would I ever own it personally", and this book I absolutely want to own it. I also decided after reading this book that I want to maintain a level of fitness that would pass the Army A.P.F.T test. The test includes pushups, sit-ups, and running two miles all within fairly short periods of time. There shouldn't be any reason I couldn't pass that test at any moment. Not that I need to or anything, just a good benchmark for where my personal fitness level should be at.

Also, I picked a few books up at the library that Tillman wrote in his journal about reading. One of them that stands out to me was "Self Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emmerson.

2010 - A Year In Pictures

2011-01-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

So I stole this idea from Martin over at This Rugged Life - Thanks for the idea Matin! Go check out his blog for some good photography... Mine could use some help.

Laguna Beach, CA. - January / 2010

Started out the year on New Years Day in Long Beach with a boat full of Brit's - The poor girl i was with had to listen to me and the fellas from across the pond chat about soccer for the whole trip. I don't even remember the Whale Watching that we were there for.

Long Beach, CA. - January / 2010

Shot of the beautiful rockies leaving SLC en route to Orange County.

Salt Lake City, UT. - January / 2010

My good friends Erick & Mandy were kind enough to take me and Jeremy to watch our hometown Utah Jazz playing the Paper-clips in LA at the Staples Center. Just before this, we were at mine and Erick's favorite restaurant mowing down Rattlesnake & Rabbit, and slamming German beers!

Los Angeles, CA. - January / 2010

Phil set up a group outing on New Years to go watch the Lakers vs the Sacramento Queens. The game was embarrassing for Laker fans as the Kings led by as many as 22 points. But.. Leave it to Kobe to bring the Lakers all the way back, and hit a game winner at the buzzer, fading out of bounds from 25 feet on the right baseline. WOW! Then it was on to downtown LA with Myle, Shannon, Phil and myself.. We went on to meet the pirate, Milly and some two bit comedian. Great night with some great people!

Los Angeles, CA. - January / 2010

Found a fantastic soccer club to join and play with in Irvine, CA. I was able to develop so much further as a player, and meet some really cool friends like Alfredo, Lee, Hash, George, Eric... Miss you guys and miss having a propper game to play under the beautiful California Sun.

Irvine, CA. - January / 2010

One of my favorite places - Golden Gate Park

San Francisco, CA. - March / 2010

Golden Gate Bridge with part of the family.

San Francisco, CA. - March / 2010

While we had set up shop in San Fran, the boys drove down to San Jose for Real Salt Lake's season opener where we killed the Quakes 3-1

San Jose, CA. - March / 2010

A few weeks later, I took a few newbies to see my boys (Real Salt Lake) take on the LA Galaxy. Adam, Cathy, Mike and I went to the Galaxy bar right after the game and nearly got in a few fights. Ended up meeting a couple cool dudes and we escaped with a truce. Thank you Andy Williams for the tickets!

Carson, CA. - April / 2010

Once a month seeing my team at 3 different venues was awesome! I went back home to hang with the family and ended up watching Real Salt Lake kill the Philadelphia Union. Look closely you can see Kenton, Trent, Ryan & I front row... Thanks to Taylor for the hookup.

Sandy, UT. - May / 2010

Attempt # 1 on the tallest mountain in Southern California. "Old Greyback" Mt. San Gorgonio with two of my favorite dudes. Although it was awesome! It was way too early of an attempt on the summit. The trails had been obliterated by avalanches, they were all under six feet of snow.